This is a story about a little boy named Connor Jacobs who became my godson and was taken by cancer.
Connor was just 11 months old when we found out he had a brain tumour and that it had grown so big they would try surgery but the out come didn't look so bright. Chemo & radio wasn't working for him as the signs were shown late as he was a baby. It wasn't until Connor started to bang his head against his cot and scream constantly hitting his head against things that myself and my best friend (connors mum) realised there was something wrong. We went to queens hospital in Romford and that same day they done a CT scan of connors brain. Instantly they told us and referred us to great ormond st hospital. Connor under went a 11 hour operation to try to remove the cancer in his brain, unfortunately the cancer was so big that it was pushing against his brain causing blindness, deafness, headaches etc and over powering his little head. His mum stayed by his side Day and night and it wasn't until I got a phone to say 'I need you, things have got worse' as I got to the hospital connors mum Danielle looked so tired I said to her to go to her quarters or the day room and have a sleep. She was a bit unsure at first understandably but then decided too. When Danielle went Connor at this point was induced in to a comma to keep him out of pain, we new it was terminal and that they could no longer do no more. He had a feeding tube, blood transfusions just loads of wires. For the whole hour Danielle was gone I held my god son like so tight kissing his soft skin telling him I love him and singing "hush little baby" half way through the song the machines all went off.. I kept hold of him until a massive load of doctors came running in, they wanted to take him away from my arms and I kept saying no don't take him away! They took me out the room and through the window I could see the doctors holding their faces and one preceding CPR. About 5 minutes later I saw the doctor turn around and shake his head at his colleagues and that was when they took me in to the room and told me Connor had sadly passed away. I was in shock, I was shaking from shock, I couldn't even cry because I was just in so much shock. The doctors asked me to get his mum so they could tell her as she was still asleep unaware of what's just happened, I said no, I will get her and tell her. I rung her and said she needs to come back immediately, and when she did and when the news was broke I had to hold back my own tears and pain and hold my best friend in my arms on the floor crying her broken heart out. My godson had gone, a mothers baby had gone, and the girl I loved and grew up with was gone with him. As the months went on Danielle began to shut her self off, she was diagnosed with depression, Danielle had tried suicide so many times she was sectioned. I went to see her and I just remember her holding me tight and crying. A few days later the doctors said she would 'get better quicker at home in her own space and with her family' that night Danielle had committed suicide and took an overdose and ended up in a comma.. in September a month later I went to see her as her mum rung me to say "their going to turn the machines off today too see if she can breath" we was in the room and they asked if we was ready we said yes, as they turned off the machines their was no heart beat, Danielle was dead. The life support was keeping her alive but the damage was done. She wanted to be with her baby boy, and she got her wish. I remember screaming in tears "please come back, just come back I'll help you, please don't leave me" I even tried to perform CPR on her and questioned why she didn't have it, they said it wouldn't of done anything and I had to be removed from the room, I slid down the corridor wall, holding my head screaming "why! Why her!!" In tears. And still to this day, I scream in my pillow in tears, I miss her, I miss my best friend, I miss my god son, but I know she got her wish and that they are together again. But nearly 4 years on can I honestly say the pain has got easier? No, it feels worse. I ring her phone just to listen to her voicemail just so I can hear her voice again. And this is all down to this horrible bastard of a desiease! And this is why for a second year going I'm going to go out there and raise as much as I can to stop this happening to mothers, fathers, friends, everyone. So they never feel the pain and suffering that I did and still do. But I can't do that without your help, as little or as much as possible together we can stop this taking away our loved ones, because it's also taken away my grandad my nanny and all my uncles on my dads side, And it's time to say enough is enough F U CANCER! So please, like last year, lets all come together and raise what we can to stop this sooner rather than later, and maybe you can do it in a memory of someone you know or have loved and lost or is battling it.
This is my story, this is my day to day heartache.